On this, the celebratory day of my birth, let me take a moment to say thank you to my mom. Thanks mom for laboring and bringing me into this world and for supporting me every step of the way. Looking back even the chastening moments were really just trying to get me to be who I really am not who I wish I were (or who I thought others wanted me to be).
I've been reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project sporadically when I have time to linger in the tub. Remember when it made me want to blog every day. See how well that turned out? Oh well.
Which reminds me- I saw a plaque on Pinterest that says
I second that emotion.
Meanwhile back at the farm....I was reading in the tub this morning and pondering my little sister's blog post.
Do I like myself?
Woah. Loaded question sister girl.
But a good one to get the cogs in the old noggin thinking about something other than barfy children (which we had yesterday...ew)
And that in conjunction with
being true to Maggie, a la the Happiness Project leads to much introspection.
To like me- I must know me.
Well I find that often I get so caught up in chores and motherly/wifely things that I forget or neglect who I am.
So I'll share with you a little of my bathtime reflections:
I am Maggie.
I like my new skinny jeans not because they make me feel skinny rather they show off my curves which I have grown rather find of. Which is also why I like most of my various stretchmarks and scars. Weird I know. But they also feel kinda cool. I like not counting my calories. I love to build things out of cardboard. When I was a kid it was Winnebegos. They were glamorous. And practical. Where else can you travel the world or pull over and take a nap in a real bed when you want? So my cardboard boxes were almost always variations on a theme: motorhomes. Today it is cars and planes I love to create: hot glue, scissors, and I'm a happy girl. I also think that basic is usually good enough. Sometimes I fantasize that my home will be full of crafty whatnots that go the extra mile for extra details but in reality it'll be full of crafty whatnots that are good enough to make me smile and move on. Perfectionist I am not. I'd rather have time to enjoy the things I made. I love to read. Non-fiction mostly though I am getting into Young Adult Science Fiction too. I love to read aloud with my kids. I think we would all like it if I did that more. I like to wander. I found this out when living in Logan. Especially when the kids need naps I'd drive around until they fell asleep and then either find a cool spot and call someone or just keep driving to get a lay of the land. I like to know where I am in relation to my surroundings. Looking back I think that's why I had a difficult time in Germany until I found a map (towards the end of my stay). Now I know to have a map handy and refer to it often. Here in this small town people refer to places in relation to where someone USED to live--- well I don't know that someone and I certainly don't know where they USED to live once upon a time... but give me a map? and we're golden. I love and appreciate piano music. I tried a little while ago to teach myself piano via youtube...but found I get distracted by chillens. So for now I will enjoy others' talents. I appreciate others' ability to grow things but fully accept that I have no desire at the current time (or the forseeable future) to grow green things. Sidewalk chalk. Fun. Awesome. and temporary enough that if I don't like the art or want a new canvas all I need is a little water. I love to dress up. I love hats. I love words and talking about words. Hence the major in English. Now that I'm out of school and have been for 5 years I find myself longing to go back. But on my terms this time. I like home improvement projects but dislike the math involved. I get very frustrated with the math. I'd rather sand and paint. I don't like building legos but I do like using my imagination.
So do I like myself?
Most of the time. I struggle with depression and feel like I battle the "You stink at everything" monster often. But the REAL me? under the depression? yeah. I like her. She's pretty dang cool.
If i say so myself.